Tag: Sexual Purity

The Marriage Bed

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you…” (Hebrews 13:4 – 13:5 NKJV)

What an interesting passage of scripture. I used to believe the thirteenth chapter of Hebrews was kind of a catch-all chapter; you know, a thought here, another thought there. Nothing tied together. Simply a number of random thoughts, possibly even last minute thoughts the writer didn’t want to leave out.

I felt verses 4 and 5 were completely unrelated.

But I now believe I was wrong.


Discussion about the marriage bed, covetousness, and contentment together?

Stranger things have happened.

Let’s take a look and see.

The writer declares marriage is honorable; or, in other words, marriage is precious, greatly esteemed, and highly favored of God. It’s God’s design and delight. Throughout scripture, from “God blessed them” in Genesis to “heirs together of the grace of life” in 1 Peter, the value God places on marriage is clear.

He ordained it, loves it, and wants to bless it.

Marriage is special to God.

Marriage includes the marriage bed.

The word translated “bed” is from the Greek word “koite”, which is where we get our English word “coitus” (meaning the physical union of male and female).

Let’s make sure we get this straight before moving on: marriage is precious to God, and He’s not put out when a married couple express their love and commitment to each other by having sex. He doesn’t see it as vile, vulgar, dirty, or anything like that.

But that doesn’t mean just anything goes.

“Marriage is honorable, and the bed undefiled…” indicates not only God’s opinion of sex, but also warnings against allowing it to become something other than the beautiful thing it is.

The Lord’s intention from the beginning was for His people to enjoy the gift of sex; without selfishness, greed, thoughts or images of another person defiling or making the marriage bed impure. And He wants us, people who declare Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, to steer clear of any sexual immorality.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3 – 4:5 ESV)

In Hebrews 13:4, as well as in 1 Thessalonians 4:3, the Greek words translated as fornication and sexual immorality have basically the same root word; “Pornos”. It’s where we get words such as pornography.

In other words, pornography defiles the marriage bed.

Anything that trains the emotions and flesh to escape true intimacy and focus on selfish imagery, one’s own feelings and pleasures, memories of another person, completely goes against God’s intent and favor for the married couple.

Pornography, even “soft porn”, is a killer of true intimacy, even if viewed together (as some misguided counselors prescribe); and it most definitely defiles the marriage bed.

“Marriage is honorable, and the bed undefiled…let your conduct (way of living) be without covetousness; be content…”

Allowing pornographic images into your marriage bed feeds the spirit of lust, not true love and intimacy. It pumps more fuel into such troublesome spirits as covetousness and discontentment.

What should be the expression of commitment and complete oneness is reduced to an act not much above that of a couple of alley cats.

Defiled. Not satisfied. Needing more imagery, more graphics, more anything than what the spouse, the covenant partner, is able to give.

An open door for the enemy to come in and steal, kill, and destroy.

Once more, let’s look at our Hebrews passage. Only this time, read my loosely paraphrased version:

“Marriage, the union of a man and woman, is precious and extremely dear to God. He has established the marriage bed, that place where the marriage was consummated and where physical intimacy takes place, as a place of purity and holiness in His sight. Purity protects the union, but He will judge (that is, contend with, fight against, incarcerate, or remove) anything that attempts to defile the marriage sanctuary (to include pornography, uncontrolled and selfish acts, impure imaginations, and violations of the marriage covenant whether in thought, word, or deed).”

“So guard yourself, and your marriage bed, against covetousness; be content with the one God has joined you with. For He will never leave you or forsake you. You can depend on Him to continually bless your marriage union; spiritually, emotionally, and physically. His way.”

Remember, God created the marriage bed as a place of perfect enjoyment AND purity.

Don’t settle for anything less.

Guys, are you training to be a rapist?


Rape is NEVER okay.

It should NEVER be tolerated, and its punishment should be VERY SEVERE.

With that said, let’s look at ways it may be prevented.

And no, I’m not going to blame the victim for the actions of the rapist.

Rapists aren’t just born, they develop. No little guy is ever destined to become a rapist; a person who violates another sexually.

I have a hard time believing a high school or college kid walks down a dark alley one night, sees a young lady passed out, all alone, and for the first time in his life, the lustful violent thoughts of rape move him to action. It may be the first time he actually commits the crime, but lustful cravings have probably been building up to that point.

Since the rapist is almost always a guy, I’ll direct my comments to male readers.

What is your opinion of women? Are they mere sex objects, something to be used for your own gratification and pleasure?

No? But are you viewing pictures or videos of women for your sexual enjoyment?

Do you fantasize about the different females you know? Do you value them based on their attractiveness, and their willingness to give you what you want?

When you date someone, where do you go? What’s the goal for the evening? Is your goal to “score” or do you honestly value her innocence and want to help her protect it?

Is sexual purity something you strive for, or are you playing the field; no commitment to morality, God, or even the woman you say you’re crazy about?

If you found yourself in a compromising situation; say the woman you were with suddenly made the suggestion to have sex, would her consent be all you’d need to get at it?

What if she dressed provocatively, spoke and acted in a flirty, sexy manner all evening long, and finally, at the end of the evening passed out in front of you (in a secluded area)?

Would THAT give you the green light to do as you please with her body?

How often is your “fuse” lit? If a woman brushes against you, even accidentally, do you find yourself becoming aroused?

What happens when they give you that “smile” that says, “c’mon, see what you can get me to do”?

What’s my point with all these questions? Guys, I’m saying the more YOU allow your fuse to be lit, the more you flirt with sex, the more you put yourself in compromising situations, AND the longer you think it’s okay to pursue YOUR pleasure through whatever means works (including masturbation), YOU are just that much closer to becoming a rapist. 

Husbands, it’s NOT OKAY to rape your wife, either!


Forceful, violent sex is never right.

“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor…” (1 Thessalonians 4:3 – 4:4 NLT)

Stay away from ALL sexual sin. Period.

You’ll never be on trial for “20 minutes of action…”

Adultery is a very dangerous game.


Meet the Avenger. The One Who carries out justice for the abused, downtrodden, and abandoned.

He seems to have a real problem with those who fail to honor their marriage vows, or the marriage vows of others.

In fact, I think it’s safe to say He cops a real attitude when someone decides to abandon their wife or husband, along with their children.

It’s a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Avenger.

In case you are wondering, I’m not referring to some fictional superhero, or a group of super-powered men and women who are always spoiling for a fight.

I’m referring to the Lord, God Almighty.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3 – 4:7 NKJV)

“The Lord is the Avenger of all such…”

All such what? People whose marriages, families, and lives have been destroyed because someone stepped into territory not belonging to them. They coveted someone else’s spouse, took part in defiling the marriage covenant (which God considers to be holy), and have taken advantage of mercy and grace.

People who defraud, or take advantage of, and misuse a friendship to follow unhealthy feelings and inappropriate desires, always seem to use excuses which somehow blame God for their feelings. 

Things like, “We are so right for each other.” “God knows what I needed.” “The Lord gave me a true soul mate”. “Besides, after I get what I want, I’ll say I’m sorry and call out for God’s mercy and grace.”

Never mind the verses which contradict that line of reasoning. Forget the fact God hates divorce.

The God Who inspired the passages regarding mercy and grace also inspired Paul to write, “God is the Avenger of such…”

Wife, has your husband run out on you and is treating you like last year’s fertilizer?

Husband, did your wife leave you for someone more “spiritual” than you?

You do NOT need to pray the plagues down on them.

If you have sought to be reconciled, but are continually rejected, you can rest in God.

He has your back.

And while you may not see your family restored (people make their own choices), God will take care of you. He’ll take care of your family, your finances, and your future.

As for your spouse, well, they’ll have a lot of explaining to do when the Avenger begins to exact payment from them.

Yes, it’s a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Avenger.

He’s absolutely adorable as the God of mercy and grace; but as the Avenger…

He’s terrifying.

What’s Wrong With Shacking Up?

The term “shacking up” has been in use since around 1935. Of course, the practice of a man and a woman living together, and participating in all of the privileges of marriage (i.e. sexual relations) has been going on for a lot longer than that.

So what’s the matter with it? If two people love each other, what’s wrong with shacking up? What’s the big deal about having a marriage license?

Besides, what’s the State got to do with it, anyway?

I can hear some of you. “Jan’s on another rampage. Up on his high horse, letting us heathen know how rotten we are.”

Actually, no.

But I do have some thoughts I’d like you to consider; hopefully BEFORE you and your lover share the marriage bed without being married. However, if you’ve already made the plunge, please continue reading. There may be something here worth your time.

Allow me to pause for a moment and give my definition of marriage, as revealed in God’s Word, the Bible. Marriage is the covenantal union, recognized by God, between one man and one woman; spiritually, emotionally, and physically. And in conjunction with God’s recognition, the State recognizes the union as well, when such union is witnessed by at least 2 people, and officiated by a person deemed qualified. 

Okay. That’s done.

One reason shacking up is wrong is because fornication is wrong. What’s fornication? It’s having sex outside the covenant of marriage. Maybe not sexual intercourse, but enough physical contact that arouses one or both sexually.

Adultery and fornication are birds of the same feather; only adultery takes place when at least one of the consenting partners is married to someone else. And as far as God’s concerned, you don’t even need to touch someone to be guilty of adultery.

The same is true of fornication.

Yes, that’s one thing wrong with shacking up. 

“But we’re waiting until we can afford to get married.” Have you ever heard that statement?

It’s great to wait. But why not do both of you a favor and hold off on exploring each other sexually?

“Oh, we’re careful. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

Sure. But haven’t you heard when a man and woman consummate their marriage, the two become one flesh? If they’re one flesh before they’re actually married, if they decide the “experiment” didn’t work, two people can have untold and undetected damage; which can have an ugly effect on any future relationships.

“What’s the big deal, preacher? Adam and Eve weren’t married.”


As marriage is a covenant, where everything belonging to one person becomes the property of their mate, and vice-versa, so it was with Adam and Eve.

Adam willingly (I believe) offered his rib to God, knowing what God was able and desiring to do. In essence, Adam gave so Eve could live.

Eve offered herself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually to her husband.

Both, first of all, submitted their life to their Creator God. Adam trusted God to perform the operation, and Eve trusted God with His choice of a husband.

And the two became one. They both gave their all for the relationship.

What’s wrong with shacking up? Commitment. Or, I should say, a lack thereof.

“But I love her and can’t stand to be apart from her.”

“I only want what’s best for her. I’d never do anything to hurt her.”

By taking from her the most precious part of her life, you ARE hurting her. Plus, you are saying to her and to God, “I enjoy sex, but I’m not ready to be a real man.”

That’s what’s wrong with shacking up!

Little lady, if your man doesn’t love you enough to protect your honor, he’s not worth jumping in bed with. He may be a great “lover”, but that doesn’t mean he really loves. And you’ll never know just how great a man you’ve found if you say “yes” every time he asks. Besides, you are of greater value than that.

Don’t you think it’s worth discovering?

Sure, he may give you money, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and make you feel like a real princess. But if he won’t help you guard your precious “garden”, how can you be sure he’ll protect the rest of you?

No commitment, no bed. No marriage, no commitment.

A promise to marry, just so the guy can “score”, isn’t anything more than a password to browse the Internet.

“But we need to make sure we’re compatible with each other.”

Look. A male and a female ARE compatible sexually. That doesn’t need to be tested. How about testing the strength of your love, and PROMISE TO EACH OTHER to stay sexually pure UNTIL your wedding night? If you or your partner can’t stay sexually pure BEFORE your wedding, there’s a good chance you won’t stay pure afterwards.

Shacking up doesn’t test a thing. It only reveals how unwilling at least one person is to really care for their mate.

To me, that is what’s wrong with shacking up.

Just A Little Nudity…

I’ve heard different people say, when referring to the R rating of a popular movie, “It’s a great flick! You’d love it.

So I reply, “Why is it rated R?”

“Oh, just a scene or two.”

“A scene or two of what?”

“Well…”, they say, “Adult language and nudity.”

“You mean someone is cussing while taking a bath? Is that what you mean?”


“Okay”, I’m adding a little emphasis to my words, now. “You’re telling me, as one Christian to another, that it’s quite alright to attend a movie where they show nudity and people use vulgarity just because they can?” 

“Uh, well, I, uh…”

But brother, why aren’t you a little more tolerant? 

The world is in the mess it is because of “tolerance”; only that kind of tolerance is spelled ‘c-o-m-p-r-o-m-i-s-e‘. 

Compromising God’s word does NOT please God. 

“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor – not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NLT)

So why should a Christian stay clear of movies which include nudity, sex scenes (graphic or implied), and scenes which ignite or fuel the inner fires of passion?

1. God says to stay away from all sexual sin. This includes movies design specifically to arouse the sexual appetite. 

2. Purity of heart, mind, eyes, and hands only enhances the genuine sexual relationships within a marriage. 

3. Fantasy cheapens and weakens marriage relationships.

4. The Lord said, “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28 NLT). To view a woman, or a man, using ‘elevator eyes’, is akin to the act of adultery. 

If a person can commit adultery with their eyes, while the object of their affection is fully clothed, how much more so if the object is parading around on the nude, or is simulating the sex act?

5. Just because it’s available, has great actors and actresses, has a great plot, is funny, had great reviews, and everyone you know has seen it, DOESN’T make God’s Word null and void! 

6. We’re told to FLEE sexual immorality; to put out to death, not run to see more of it.

“So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming.” (Colossians 3:5-6 NLT)

7. Sexual sin, which viewing movies that show nudity is, makes the heart become harder to the things of God. Filling ones thoughts and mind (with the visuals and such) with such images allows callouses to form on the spirit man to where it becomes more difficult to discern God’s voice, and right and wrong.

“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18 NLT)

8. We have a responsibility to the Lord, our families, the Body of Christ, and ourselves to live a life free from sexual immorality. 

“Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes – these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God.” (Ephesians 5:3-5 NLT)

By the way, “soft porn” is still sexual sin. Looking at a person, clothed or not, and fantasizing about them sexually is sin. 

Christians, it won’t kill you to stay away from raunchy, sexually arousing, movies. In fact, you just may find yourself enjoying your marriage even more. 

Bored? Feel the need to be entertained? Find something that won’t damage your spirit, embarrass your family, or stand between you and your God.

Maybe before you by your movie tickets, ask the Lord Jesus if He’d like to attend the showing with you. 

Then act accordingly.
“And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.” (Colossians 3:17 NLT)


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