Tag: failure

Feeling Like A Failure

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I must confess: at this moment I feel more like Gideon in the winepress, than David running out to meet Goliath.

What happened? Nothing in particular. Just life.

But though my flesh is tired, and I’m frustrated with my circumstances, I will not quit fighting the good fight of faith. Though I feel like a failure…

No, I will encourage myself, just as David did when it looked as though he would be killed by the Philistines.

“I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!

I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” (Psalm 34:1 – 34:10 ESV)

I know I don’t look like a mighty man of faith and power. I realize I don’t have the muscles of a warrior. I haven’t noticed any ladder in my yard whereupon the angels of God are ascending and descending. I haven’t heard the voice like that of many waters call my name, or even clear his throat.

The voice I’ve been hearing for the last hour or two has sounded more like the serpent than the savior. The message that’s bombarded my spirit seems more like my accuser than my advocate. And the heaviness on my heart can’t be anything other than the cares of the world.

Regardless of what I feel, what I hear, or what life is trying to force me into believing;

I am God’s. He is mine.

I’m not required to run and meet Goliath.

All I need to do is run to my God.

He is all I need.

I am not a failure.

Come See A Man

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I sat on the hot and dusty stone wall staring at the man. For the past half hour we conversed. No, we didn’t converse – he read my mail and opened my heart like no one ever had. I’ve been in love countless times, married more times than I care to remember. Even the one I’m living with, though we’ve lived together six months, has never touched my heart like this man.

How did I become the person I am? Why do I feel as though my life’s been nothing more than a total waste until now?

Though my childhood wasn’t the greatest, it probably wasn’t the worst. I just don’t know. My parents loved me, I suppose, but I never was quite certain. I remember my mom saying to me, more than once, “I wish you’d never been born.” I guess I’ll never know how an eight year old could earn such hatred.

Next to the oldest of four siblings, I was forever in some kind of trouble. Always compared to my older brother, and every time coming up short; I couldn’t wait to leave home.

Finally on my own, I bounced from relationship to relationship; lover to lover, weekend rendezvous’ and casual affairs to finally meeting Mister Right.

Five times.

And five times they turned into Mister Wrong. Five divorces.

Do you have any idea what failure, constant, no letting up failure, can do to a person? You begin to believe failure is your destiny. Hopelessness runs your life, affecting every decision you make. You feel fortunate just to breathe.

People look at me as though I’m the epitome of worthlessness. I can see it in their eyes and detect it in the tone of their voice. I know my life’s a mess, but I’m used to it. I know I shouldn’t shack up with Aaron but, if I don’t marry him I’ll never lose him. See? No more failure.

I usually make my way to the well this time of day. I try to draw our daily water when no one else is around. I’m embarrassed by the way men look at me. I can feel their eyes travel up and down my body as though it belongs to them, as though they own me.

And I can’t describe what it’s like to be shunned by the women in town.

But today is different. Today I’m beginning to feel alive; welcomed to the human race.

I’m starting to believe my destiny has less to do with me and my past, and more to do with him.

He told me of my past, yet he didn’t bury me with it. Sure, he spoke to me about worshipping in spirit and truth, but that didn’t affect me near as much as did the way he talked with me, not to me or about me.

He offered me something I don’t believe I was ever offered before. Another chance at life. A forever, never ending, ever growing kind of life.

And a love that’s truly out of this world.

Oh, here come his disciples. Time to head into town.

The woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone, “Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?” So the people came streaming from the village to see him (John 4:28 – 4:30 NLT)

Questions:

Have you ever felt like the woman at the well?
Do you feel like a failure?
Has love and life been hard on you?
Are you “hopelessly hopeless” or is there a glimmer of hope for a better life?
Are you ready for a change?

“Come, see a man…, Jesus.”

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