Bashing In The Pickle Aisle


Grocery store aisles are a great place to catch up on the latest stage of human evolution. Listening to people express their likes and dislikes of others is something akin to watching the old Mutual of Omaha show, “Wild Kingdom”, with Marlin Perkins. People say and do some funny things if they don’t know they’re being observed.

“That JoJo Rogers makes me wanna throw up”, the red headed girl said as she rolled her eyes and poked her index finger deep into her mouth. “Always after everyone else’s guy! She really thinks she’s got the goods for any and every guy. The little blond tramp!”

“When did you meet her?” asked the girl with paisley print tattoos on her arms, pierced eyebrows, and bright blue hair. “I didn’t think you knew JoJo. I mean, she’d been away for a couple of months, visiting family and friends in Seattle. Her mom told me she just got back yesterday. How can you know so much about her?”

I realized I was staring at the two, mouth hanging open so wide I could have swallowed half the pickle aisle. And I wasn’t ten feet from where the two of them were standing.

The redhead looked at me, scrunched her thin eyebrows into a frown, just as I quickly jerked around to look at the pickles (which I really can’t stand), fingering each jar like I was more interested in shopping than listening to them. Listening was much more entertaining.

“So when did you meet her?” Blue demanded. “Didn’t you know she’s a good friend of mine?”

I just about dropped the jar of pickles.

I didn’t dare look at Red, so I don’t know what she was doing as a long silence ensued. All I could hear was some shuffling of someone’s feet as I quickly left the pickle section and moved up the aisle to the olives (which is another one of my least favorite foods).

Red finally spoke. “Well, do you know that blond chick named Christy? The one who claims to know Tyler Perry; saying her folks are friends of his? She told me all kinds of stories about JoJo. Christy’s never lied to me; so it must be true!”

“TRUE?! You’re bashing someone you’ve never met? You’re spreading rumors and lies! You probably wouldn’t know her if she walked up to you and stated her name before she slapped your face. TRUE!? What’s the matter with you?”

Blue finished speaking, pushed her way past Red, and headed straight for the exit. Red didn’t move, not even an eyelid.

Me, I immediately did an about face and headed to the meat department.

After grabbing a pound of 93%, I checked out. As I walked to my car with a plastic bag of groceries in my hand, I started thinking about Red and Blue; and how they are a lot like the majority of people around the world.

No one likes to be verbally bashed; and ESPECIALLY by people who have never met them.

People who verbally abuse and malign those they’ve never met are not held in high esteem by their peers, unless their cronies are liars, murderers, and thieves. And by the way…

There are laws against libel and slander.

Yet people, like Blue who can’t tolerate “JoJo bashing”, seem to take great delight in verbally bashing the ONLY ONE who ever really loved them.


God gets blamed for everyone’s troubles, financial woes, unexpected pregnancies, storms, car wrecks, and paper cuts. His name is batted and bashed about like an old piñata, by people who wouldn’t know him if he walked up to them with a “Hello, my name is God”, name tag on his lapel.

Have YOU ever bashed God’s name?

Have you ever told someone, “God? Don’t worry about him. He died a long time ago.”

Have YOU ever said, “God damn you!”? God bashing. People who say things like that just don’t know him.

What are some things YOU’VE said about God or Jesus lately?

Are the statements you’ve made true? Would you same them to his face?

IF God existed, would you talk the same way as always? What if he could hear everything you say?

The “phone lines” are open.

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