An Interview With Nimrod

You asked me what we’re doing, up here on the 80th floor of this building. I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors; that I’m leading some sort of rebellion against one of the bigots referred to as God. Such a tyrant; a despot. He deceives people like Terah and his son Abram. Such despicable people. People like that family are a blight on society. I personally would like to see them picked up and transported to some place far from here; like another planet. Just let us be!

But no, there’s no rebellion here. I’m just fed up with stupid rules and regulations; commandments! I’m so tired of intolerant people trying to impose their ideas and lifestyles onto everyone else. So, instead of just sitting and whining about it, I’m taking action.

You see, it’s taken a while, a long while, actually; but mankind has just about reached the height of glory.

From the cave man, with his grunts and groans, crude inventions, and fear of the unknown, to the modern man with his enriched vocabulary, engineering skills, and penchant for exploration; mankind’s come a long way.

There was a time when man was ruled by superstition. Superstition and religion. Those were dark days, indeed. Days of intolerance and bigotry. Days when one’s style of worship was preferred over another. Days when enlightenment was frowned upon; even punished. Days when it was risky to think for yourself. Risky to use our brain.

Before the intolerant one destroyed our growing civilization with such a violent and unwarranted deluge, mankind was just beginning his ascent to the heavens. Mankind was on the verge of becoming God!

Sure, there was a little bit of violence among the people. That’s to be expected, what with all those people that were on the planet. Really though, can anyone blame them? They were made that way! The intolerant one made mankind with the ability to feel and think, and then punished him for using his imagination and responding to his feelings. The hypocrite!

What does he call murdering 7 billion men, women, boys and girls? Compassion?

And that goody-goody Noah and his family. He was a great example of what was wrong with the society back then. Preacher of righteousness is what someone called him. Big mouthed, narrow minded, and full of himself jerk was more like it.

But that’s alright. We’re finally getting things back to where they should be. You see, not everyone on that boat was as perfect as his majesty would have everyone believe.

One of the preacher’s kids, Ham, had a little more sense than his old man and brothers. He trained his kids in the way they should go, and they didn’t disappoint him. Especially Canaan. There was something about that kid. Sort of like he was destined for greatness; possessing much more than what a person could discern by just looking at him.

Anyway, we’re finally seeing some positive changes in our world. Loud mouthed holier-than-thou people, like Noah, are finally getting their comeuppance. No one is concerned with what old people, with their old fashioned thinking, believe any longer. Man was made to rule over everything! They weren’t to be limited to someone’s idea of something called morality. No one put the moral minority in charge of anything, anyway.

Mankind should be above everything. Including the destroyer of innocent people’s lives!

And that’s why I’m up here on the 80th floor. We’re about half finished with this project, this tower of life. The one who can’t control his temper will never again catch us unprepared with his outbursts of violence.

And when we finish this one, we’ll go over into our neighboring country, teach the citizens how to think for themselves, and build for the betterment of all mankind; not just a few who think we’re evil anyway.

I hope you’re writing all this down.

Oh, please excuse me for a minute.

“What’s that, Pasha? There are a couple visitors from OSHA? They say they’re here just to look around? Okay, show ’em around.”

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, mankind’s betterment. As I was saying, man is finally coming together, celebrating diversity, honoring free speech, and letting people decide for themselves what’s right and what’s wrong. That’s the way it should be, don’t you think?

Oh, excuse me again. “Pasha! What now?”

“You say 90% of the workforce left for the day? Why? What do you mean, you couldn’t understand them? Pasha? Pasha! What are you saying? Quit playing around, Pasha! It’s not funny!”

Man, this is weird. Okay, back to you. Huh? Hey, what gives? Don’t play games, man!

Hey! Cut it out, I say! Talk so I can understand you!

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