An Adulterous Affair 


“It just happened. One day I was deeply in love with my wife, and the next day I found myself in bed with another woman.”

“I don’t know what happened!”

“I wasn’t flirting. I’m just an innocent victim.”

“My husband is never around. Even when he’s home, he’s got some stupid ball game on. But I never dreamed I’d find myself in the arms of another man.”

In today’s world, adulterous affairs seem to be the norm. Most of us know someone who’s been caught in the trap. 

Maybe you’ve been caught.

I know what it’s like to bear the guilt of an adulterous affair. I also know about God’s grace, and the love of a godly wife. I’m not proud of myself. I AM thankful to my Savior who, along with my wife, gave me another chance at purity.

But this post isn’t about me; it’s about you. It’s about something I heard the other day. Actually, I read it twenty years ago but was reminded of it just yesterday.

When I first read it I thought, “That’s exactly right! It’s just how things happened in my life.”

So when I heard it yesterday I knew I needed to share it with you. Because you may be about to be caught in the snare of an adulterous affair.

Emotional, sexual, or an affair involving fantasizing with pornography; it’s still an affair. It still steals, kills, and destroys.

But you don’t have to let it happen. 

No one accidentally becomes an adulterer. No one. People make a series of choices, bad choices, that carry them along the pathway to ruin.

I don’t know who originally wrote this (12 steps – I added the description to each one), but it’s true and full of wisdom. Pay attention and examine your life carefully.

There are 12 steps to an affair.

1. Readiness – not necessarily on the prowl, but your heart isn’t guarded either. Loose eyes, wandering thoughts, ever appreciative of eye candy. Discreetly, of course.

2. Alertness – you seem to notice when someone looks your way more than usual. You curiously return the glances, or find ways to interact with your new found friend.

3. Innocent Meeting – “Well look who’s here. Fancy meeting you here.” Or so you say, when all along you were hoping to see them.

4. Intentional Meeting – you’ve learned your friend’s schedule, and you begin to justify your feelings. You are becoming trapped. But it’s not too late to back out.

5. Public Lingering – such fun; being with the other person. Even if your spouse is around, you’re getting an emotional high out of just being in the presence of this dear, precious person.

6. Private Lingering – you’re pretty bold by now; caution has been thrown overboard. You haven’t touched your “attraction” yet, but you’re closer to the sack than the altar. You are in a very dangerous place.

7. Purposeful Isolation – by now, you’re looking for any and every reason to communicate with you know who. Sneaking, lying, whatever it takes to make contact.

As you’re reading this, are you thinking of a particular person? Is there someone you’ve become a little too chummy with?

If so, break it off right now. The longer you stay connected, the closer you are to ruin.

8. Pleasurable Isolation – alone at last, where you can speak openly with each other. Alone, except for the all-seeing, all-knowing God who has been trying to get your attention.

9. Affectionate Embracing – nothing physical, other than a caring hug. However, you are a mess on the inside because your heart is trapped, entangled emotionally with someone who doesn’t belong to you. Someone other than your spouse.

10. Passionate Embracing – hands flying everywhere. You’re just about finished. You’ve lost control. To stop now you’ll have to practically cut off your hands and feet. You’re on autopilot, getting ready to crash.

11. Copulation – nestled between the sheets with the devil.

And finally…

12. Acceptance – this is the scariest part of all. You’ve become calloused to true love, to commitment, and to those who’ve loved you through thick and thin.


“God wants me to be happy.”

Yes, He does. But true happiness begins with holiness. Living life according to His principles, as well as your marriage vows.

12 Steps.

If you’ve found yourself at one of these steps, here’s what you need to do:

1. Repent.

2. Break off any connection or contact.

3. Talk with a true friend, possibly a pastor, who will pray with you and help you get free.

4. Don’t lie to your friend, or yourself.

5. Work on “returning” home; first off, emotionally.

May you find freedom before it’s too late.

An adulterous affair can become an eternal nightmare.

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