Is it just my imagination, or are there a lot more allergies and medical conditions affecting people these days? Is it a sign of the times?
I just learned of a new allergy condition today. The FDA has just recently approved a new medicine to help control the symptoms. The medicine is completely organic, and has only one minor side effect.
The AMA* has issued this announcement to inform the public of these rather odd reactions.
1. Itching and fidgeting start after sitting in room more than fifteen minutes (unless watching any type of sports program)
2. Music causes ears to automatically plug completely (does not happen when listening to 70’s rock album)
3. Legs become weak and wobbly when asked to stand (symptom doesn’t occur if outdoors, in own home, or at work)
4. Temporary paralysis in hand and arm when attempting to remove wallet from purse or pants pocket (very localized symptoms and times of occurrences)
5. Suggestion of possible exposure can create insomnia 12 hours prior to exposure, and severe drowsiness during episode (temporary symptoms, quick recovery)
6. Severe rash covering all uncovered skin when confronted with outstretched hand (does not seem to happen inside shopping mall)
7. Stammering lips when asked to give opinion (symptoms never noticed inside neighborhood diner, but tests are still being conducted)
8. An uncontrollable urge to check watch every three minutes (again, very localized symptoms and times of occurrences)
9. Eyes flutter nervously every five minutes with frequent glances to ceiling (symptoms seem to endure for not less than 45 minutes, with 120 minutes being the maximum time)
10. The uncanny ability, though only temporary, to read people’s minds and know their motives with only a single glance (coincides with number 9, fluttering eyes)
The symptoms described here are associated with Ekklesiatis; a condition more commonly known as “being allergic to church”.
There is one known cure, but be forewarned, the medicine must be taken regularly, AND for the duration of one’s life. Everyone who has taken the medicine for an extended period of time has developed peculiar traits. For more information, please call your pastor, or read your bible.
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV)
*American Ministers Association